Hi. I have had the same problem for some time now, and am just starting to get over it. The good news is that it’s possible to return to normal functioning, but it takes a little work by both partners.
The most effective things for me (us) have been the Masters and Johnson “sensate focus” exercises that sex therapists have used for a long time. You can probably find them on the web.
Added to that, it helps to avoid using porn during masturbation (so that you can focus on your own body’s sensations and not something external), and to try to duplicate the kind of stimulation you get from intercourse when you masturbate.
That last part is where the Venus helps a lot–it has helped me gain confidence that things will work.
Overall, I’d say that my experience is that Venus is a very useful (and fun!) part of the solution, but you may need to have some other things working as part of your team.